Aspen's Animal Doppelgangers
So, we already know this place can be a bit of damn zoo, am I right? Well, it just so happens that in my spare time around this place (and maybe enjoying a bit of extra free time in the archives *wink wink*), I may have stumbled on some less than flattering photographs of some of you people. I mean, they’re pretty damn hilarious themselves. BUT. and I mean a very fucking big BUTT. It’s so much FUN to compare them to a few choice photos I found of you guys and your animals and just some snapshots from old Discovery Channel booklets and shit. So, without further ado, I bring to you some Animal Doppelgangers. Enjoy that. Relish it. (It’s not as fun as blood, but it’s something)

- From : Aspen Elysium

Everyone has heard of this magnanimous man, known as the Shrubbery Spookster and Archive Advisor. Even his bride-to-be so craftily created our very own Octospook that we have in our very stores. 




You may even hear the sounds of his battle cry permeate throughout the Town Hall or far beneath the town in the netherregions of the Archives of which he calls, The Dungeon. A resonating "FWAKATOOOWAPATOO!" or rather, just some screams can be heard sometimes at night, when he dishes his own form of justice by means of the Paddle of Knowledge.(Sounds like my kind of night ;) )

We've long since faced many adversaries in Alexandria. I mean, kidnappers and walkers, plain ole dumbasses that end up spiked on the front gate. But who can forget the time Shaw faced a pack of wild boars roaming free? Stark raving mad in the nude as he was, his shrubbery couldn't contain him. 




Often times, his vernacular has a mind of its own and he ends up blathering about so that no one understands him, like some sort of deranged chimp. Soon his words turn into 'ahh-ah's and 'ooos' Just skip the banana and get him some damn whiskey, already. 

The moments when you think this so called 'butternut squash' has truly lost it is when he begins communications with his Puppy Goddesses' animals.




Dousing him with water doesn't seem to help it at all, but maybe toss some whiskey on him. And never EVER try to take the whiskey from him.. and don't feed it to the animals. 

Now, this is sweet.. and maybe I am losing it a bit. This soon-to-be married couple... like isn't everyone getting married now? Marriage is the new procreation, right? FFS. 



But just look at them, all cozied up like their two little rats. Next thing you know, they'll be doing it like rats, having babies like rats and we'll have little spooking demon spawn running amok, stealing all the whiskey and demanding us all pay pennance to them so they can protect us from the one known as Oog. Each will have thier own special paddle, defending us in hopes that Ork doesn't return and helping their father seek justice against wrongdoers by casting them to the dungeons. (sign me up)


I would be lying if I said that was all the weird shit I could dig up on the illustrious Master of Disguise and Archives, Spookinator Shaw. We all know that is a lie. But if you really want to see some strange shit, just stick around Town Square long enough and he'll show up. Watch for the big fancy words or maybe even a 'noice!' or two. Or y'know. Wait for Adam to show up and ge ta little Shawna action. Then you can take even more photos and send them to me >:3 Come at me, Shawty.


You can see this pretty much everywhere if you know where to look. I mean, it can get pretty monotonous being safe here in the walls, doing lessons. Gotta get your kicks where you can get em right? So if you see anyone around town that resembles one of our livestock or your Aunt Bessie's shorthair chihuahua, then send me a mail with the deets. I'll gladly post that shit in here so we can all get our kicks. I'll be here every Tuesday, so don't miss me too much while I'm gone. 


P.S. I like wine. Get on my good side. 

And remember, "Those who slay together, stay together" >:3

(permission given to use images of Shaw and his consent for the words)



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Wyatt Everett

Wyatt Everett Fantastic job! xD That dog with the water makes me laugh every time!

Shaw Rayne

Shaw Rayne This was beyond perfect little psycho girl of unparalleled brilliance. You captured my spirit so thoroughly that I begin to suspect that you too are a true believer in the Revolution for who else could be capable of such beauty.

Kaia Rayne

Kaia Rayne Ahhmazing article Aspen! The comments are the best :D My love is quite the character and I love him more and more each time he shows me a new wild side to him.

Margaret Wider

Margaret Wider Great post! :D

Lukrezia Tierney

Lukrezia Tierney Ha Shawww XD Love this haha very funny

Cataleya Dawson

Cataleya Dawson This is soo good!

Talen Benson

Talen Benson Kick ass job on this article Asp! Gave me a laugh and reminded me to keep my whiskey hidden from this guy. >:3

Taina Pereira

Taina Pereira Brilliant stories to accompany the pictures! Really enjoyed it, thanks! :D

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